What Really Happened
by OneWingedDove
Summary: Rose tells her version of Titanic, which is. . . interesting. R&R Please!
1. Default Chapter

What Really Happened

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone

Author's note: Read, and laugh at this stupid story or I shall sic the locusts on you!

Description: Rose tells her version of Titanic, which is. . . interesting.

* * *

Brock: Rose? Are you ready to tell us about Titanic now?

Rose: ::staring off into the distance::

Lizzy: ::talking as if she were talking to a two year old:: Nana, the man is talking to you.

Rose: What? I don't want a banana dear, I just had one a little while ago.

Lizzy: No Nana, that's you. The man ::points to Brock:: wants to talk ::points to her own mouth:: to you ::points to Rose::

Rose: Oh sorry.

Brock: Okay, now Rose, tell us about Titanic.

Rose: ::thinks for about two minuets:: Titanic was an awfully big ship, the biggest in the world. It smelled of fresh paint and linen. It was a dream ship, to everyone but me of course. To me it was a ship of fools. . .

::Begin flashback to Southampton Docks::

Everyone: Look at the big ship! It's a big ship! I wonder where my shoes are. . .

::A car beeps and everyone shuts up and parts like the Dead Sea. The car comes to a stop and the door opens::

Rose: Fool! Help me out now!

Ruth: I think she means you, Lovejoy.

Lovejoy: All right, don't get your corset in a twist ::grabs Rose's hand and yanks her out of the car, causing her to fall flat on her face::

Rose: ::kicks Lovejoy in the love stick:: How dare you fool! Now go wake Cal! He fell asleep while we were driving and I don't want to wake him because I'm spoiled and stuck-up and waking someone is beneath me.

Lovejoy: ::in a high pitched voice:: Yes _ma'am._

Lovejoy: Cal, wake up! ::grabs Cal and yanks him out of the car::

Cal: ::still asleep:: Kinky, aren't we Greg?

Lovejoy: Wake up!

Cal: Huh? Where's Greg?

Rose: Who's Greg?

Cal: Ummmmm. . . no one ::his eyes then cross::

Lovejoy: Cal, where are your glasses?

Cal: Rose threw them out the window after I told her to please lower her voice when she was yelling strings of curses no lady, wait, no_body _should ever be saying at the driver.

Rose: ::scoffs:: Let's board the ship. Even though it's no bigger then the Mauritania and ships that small are beneath me, we still have to go back to America.

Cal: ::looking at Titanic:: From what I could see, which isn't much thanks to a certain somebody, Titanic's bigger by 100 feet.

Rose: ::smacks Cal across the face:: You dare contradict me fool?

Cal: ::looking like he's going to cry:: No. . .

Rose: Good, now go fetch Mother and Trudy. Oh, and make sure Trudy takes ALL the luggage in by herself, we don't want her being lazy like last time.

Cal: Yes ma'am.

Rose: Hurry up fool! The ship won't wait forever. I'll be in the cabin. ::Rose boards the ship, huffing haughtily the whole while::

::End flashback::

Rose: So, that starts the beginning of the voyage. I'm tired now and I want to take a nap. Lizzy? Where's the bedroom dear?  
  
Lizzy: I'll show you Nana.

Rose: I don't want a banana yet, dear. I'll have one when I wake up. ::Lizzy leads Rose off to the bedroom::

* * *

Well, that's the start of a strange tale. I hope it was somewhat amusing. 


	2. Painting Fools

What Really Happened

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone

Author's note: Read, and laugh at this stupid story or I shall sic the locusts on you!

* * *

Lizzy: Nana? Are you up yet? It's been three hours. 

Rose: Oh, are you the maid? I need my sheets cleaned.

Lizzy: No Nana, I'm your granddaughter remember?

Rose: -thinks for a minuet- Oh that's right :gets out of bed:

Brock:-when Rose finally gets over to him- Okay Rose, tell us the rest of the story.

Rose:-sits in a chair- The year was 1939. Hitler just invaded Poland and-

Brock: No Rose, tell us about Titanic.

Rose: It was an awfully big ship, the biggest in the world. It smelled of fresh paint and lin-

Lizzy: Tell it from where you left off Nana.

Rose:-stares blankly for a minuet- Oh, I remember now. I just boarded the ship. . .

:Begin flashback to Suit B-39:

Rose:-throwing things around- This room is so small. Fool, where are my paintings? -nobody answers her-

Rose:-even louder- Fool! Where are my paintings!

Ruth:-from the grand staircase- Cal, I think Rose is calling for you.

Cal:-talking to a pole- Lovejoy, it's your turn. I did it last time.

Lovejoy: I'm behind you Cal.

Cal:-turns around- Oh, sorry. Go take care of Rose please.

Lovejoy: Your coming with me -grabs Cal, but drops him and he falls flat on his face-

Cal:-kicks at Lovejoy- Did I get him?

Ruth: Yes.

Lovejoy:-mumbles something under his breath-

Cal: Did you just call me a weed whacker?

Lovejoy:-in a high pitched voice- No, _sir._

Cal: That's what I thought.

Rose:-yells so loudly that a piece of the ceiling falls off and land on Cal's head- FOOL! GET OVER HERE NOOOOOOOOOOOW!

Cal:-rubbing his head- I hope we don't have to pay for that.

Lovejoy: Let's go before she knocks the whole ship down with her yelling -grabs Cal and drags him off to the suit-

Rose: It's about time fool. Where are my paintings?

Lovejoy: Trudy didn't have time to unpack them yet.

Cal:-talking to a bedpost- Plus they're hideous. I wouldn't be surprised if they got thrown overboard.

Rose:-smacks Cal across the face- You DARE insult my paintings, FOOL!

Cal:-starting to cry a little- No sir.

Rose: WHAT did you call me?

Cal: Ma'am?

Rose That what I thought fool. -to Lovejoy- Now, go fetch that lazy girl we call a servant.

Lovejoy: Yes ma'am -grabs Cal-

Rose: NO! Fool stays here. I'm not through with him yet. . .

Cal:-looks VERY nervous-

:End flashback:

Rose: Well, that's the story about how I found my paintings. Lizzy dear, do you have that banana you were asking about earlier?

Brock: I think she needs another nap. . .

* * *

Well, there you have the next part in this tale. 


End file.
